Filed under: cookie magazine, Daily grind, humor, Mom issues, parent issues, parody, slice of life, Wit | Tags: balls, crazy things kids say, mommy blog, mommy issues, parenting, sleepover
Jake had a sleep over last night with his best friend. I am always scared something extreme will happen. I am one of those highly obsessive unlogical thinkers that jumps right to the nth degree. For instance, at his first sleep over with this very same friend I was convinced he was going to get smothered by him. I know that Jake passes out and his friend will be up bored and wanting to play.
He could do something obvious, like draw a moustache with permanent marker, he could put his hand in a cup of warm water, but no, I go straight to smothering. Now this child we’ll call him Ben, (cause that’s his name) has no criminal record and has never smothered anyone, that I know of. But, I could not sleep. Instead of celebrating with a raucous romp, I was up every hour wondering how many pillows are in Ben’s room.
When Jake came back breathing I was thrilled and our day was normal. We went for a swim and Jake stripped down, wrapped a towel around himself and grabbed his junk as he so often does. Nothing out of the ordinary. Well I guess holding his stuff reminded him of the repercussions of the sleepover.
Jake: “Mom do you know what balls are?”
Me: “Sure you have tons of balls, baseballs, tennis balls…”
Jake: “Nope. (drop towel lift penis and squeeze sac) these are balls. See one two, see cause they’re like balls.”
Ryan: “Like the balls on my tongue”
(May that be the only context in which she utters those words to me again.)
Jake: “No Ryan these are balls, see ball, line, ball (squeezing and pointing so Ryan can get a good look) Mommy is talking about my balls and you’re talking about tongues.”
Me: “No, Mommy isn’t talking about your balls, Mommy is just listening.”
Jake: “Mommy, do you know what nuts are?”
I’ll take this over smothering every time. Thanks Ben.
14 Comments so far
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Suburban Jungle 
hahahahahahaha.
oh, I can’t wait until my son starts telling me stories 😉
Comment by Ruby June 22, 2008 @ 2:18 pmOMG!! LMAO 🙂 Thank G-D I only have girls! 🙂 hehe
Comment by Heather June 22, 2008 @ 5:31 pmThat was really funny, honey. Ballsy post…
Comment by mark June 22, 2008 @ 11:24 pmI’m so happy I’m having a girl! LOL
Comment by Jill June 23, 2008 @ 11:42 amOnly you would make a cringing moment laughable!
Comment by Candice June 23, 2008 @ 2:42 pmyou’re welcome jenny–next sleepover’s topics will include: wet willies, purple nurples, and dutch ovens!
Comment by ben June 26, 2008 @ 7:27 amxoxo
ben
It’s good to have friends who are willing and able to teach you things! I need to remember that Ben (and Jake) should be supervised around Sydney… loved it!!!! PS- I’m sure Syd would have some fun facts to share with Jake too!
Comment by Cristie June 30, 2008 @ 10:16 pmBrian and I both enjoyed this one—–and how cute and innocent is Ryan????!!!!!
Comment by pam July 3, 2008 @ 7:42 pmTotally hilarious. I laughed out loud when I read, “May that be the only context in which she utters those words to me again.”
Comment by Jen July 11, 2008 @ 10:45 amThat sounds like a day in my house! Balls, farts, poop etc are daily topics in my house. My boys laugh about this stuff – it doesn’t help that the biggest boy of all (my hubby) eggs them on. I swear that he’s worse than they are.
Comment by Jenn July 12, 2008 @ 3:53 amFeatured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle: http://tinyurl.com/5p8q7b
Comment by Jenny, Bloggess July 13, 2008 @ 8:24 amOh my gosh! Too hilarious! Saw you on Good Mom/Bad Mom! Did he also learn “wood, stiffy, plank, etc.?” Let’s hope not.
Comment by iPost July 13, 2008 @ 8:58 amSounds like Ben is a real Gem!
Comment by Mrs. F July 13, 2008 @ 10:51 amThis is hilarious! My son is always asking questions, I give him quick 123 answers and then always quickly follow up with “What do you want for dinner?”
Comment by Jamie Dougherty July 18, 2008 @ 7:19 am